Mourning a House, A Dream, A Life
More posts from my personal Facebook as I deal with the aftermath of the flood's destruction.
April 28
I've come to realize I am dealing with grief. I don't know why it didn't completely register in my brain. I knew I was mourning, but grief feels like something heavier and life-altering. I was trying to take a nap this afternoon, and I was hit with an immense wave of grief. It was crushing. It felt like a physical weight on me.
It's not just about the physical house, but the loss of our roommate, our homelife, our dreams, our hard work to be able to buy a house, and even the feral colony we helped feed. It's a year of life that wasn't easy (we never fully unpacked, the renovations were happening at a snail's pace, etc), but we endured it because we thought something better was coming.
And maybe it still is. It's just going to look very different from what we imagined.
May 9
My favorite vintage Betsey Johnson shoes were destroyed in the flood. Corey found them today while at the house. It makes me sad. I grew up poor, so I treasure my possessions and try to take care of them. Also, as someone who is neurodivergent, I get hits of serotonin when I see my possessions. I just don't appreciate the item, but the story behind their purchase. Who I was with, how long it took me to save up, etc.
So, I feel sad to lose something that meant a lot to me, but I am grateful we survived.
May 19
We're still salvaging items from the house. Some things are a total loss. Others made it through without damage. The house reeks of mold and is still damp. We wear masks when inside, and we're cleaning everything we remove.
It's been over a month since the flood, and it still feels like a bad dream. Sometimes I wake up in the place we're renting and I don't know where I am at first.
Despite it all, I am grateful. We survived that night. We made it through the floodwaters to safety. My husband and I make a very good team, for which I am so grateful.
I am also grateful to those who donated to the GoFundMe and bought stuff on our Amazon wish list.
I know I am blessed.
May 21
The shelf above my desk has a whole new look for our new place. Since the flood ruined our house, it has been hard letting go of my old office. It had been a dream for so long. Now we have made the dining area in the townhouse into our shared office space. I like it, but for a while it was hard to decorate it. I am in a better headspace now and starting to love my little corner.
Nothing in my career has gone as planned for the last few years. My life was turned upside down by a natural disaster. But I am still here, ready to find a new path forward.
I am releasing the old plans and dreams. Time to dream anew.
May 23
I'm on the verge of tears. I had given up hope after Kentucky, Arkansas, and North Carolina got turned down. I'm not sure what will happen to the house, but at least now we can open our FEMA claim.
