Sometimes Writing Isn't Easy
2022-The Year of Dealing With Stuff
I used to write about 5,000 words a day. That’s a lot of manuscript pages. The math is 250 words = one page. So I used to write on average about 20 pages a day. I was very prolific. My biggest writing streak was about 38,000 words in one day. During that writing session, I wrote until I couldn’t see my screen anymore and my hands were numb.
What I hadn’t considered during that time when I was so prolific was the physical toll it was taking on my hands and wrists. I was also enjoying the one thing about ADHD that can feel like a superpower: hyper-focus, which kept those word counts high.
In 2020, the aches and pains of writing became unbearable. By 2021, the stress of the pandemic on top of being in pain all the time wore down my mental health. I finally started medication again (thank God!) to treat my PTSD/GAD and feel normal again, but I noticed my hyper-focus was gone.
I drew up a writing schedule at the beginning of 2022 only to have to set it aside when I realized my hands couldn’t stand the strain.
My new doctor recognized that my hands were in bad shape and so was my writing career. After years of telling doctors how badly my hands were hurting and being told to take Advil, a doctor finally realized the adverse effect it was having not only on my mental health but my ability to earn a living. With my productivity dropping, my sales were, too. So, at last, I was referred to occupational therapy. It was during the first session that I found out the truth about my hands. A woman my age should be able to exert 40 lbs of pressure using her fingers. My right hand was about 1 lb and my left 4 lbs. I stared at my hands after the examination and wanted to cry. That’s when I vowed to do everything the therapist told me.
Physical therapy is already having a positive effect on my hands. I’m up to 4 lbs on my right and 8 lbs on my left. Baby steps, but positive ones nonetheless. I am doing my exercises daily because I want to improve.
I am writing more now and do my stretching exercises once an hour when doing so. I’m not where I was with my productivity several years ago, but any progress is good right now.
In December, I will be seeing a psychiatrist about treating my ADHD. I’m hoping to finally receive proper treatment for it. I have been doing all I can within my own power to cope with it, but I would really like my hyper-focus back.
Currently, I am finishing up a project for my agent and writing zombie short stories for my Patreon. I’m trying to write at least one short story a month for my patrons. I hope and pray that I will be able to finally finish up The Betrayal of the Impaled Bride by the end of the year so I can indie publish i. I had lofty writing goals for 2022, but I have to be realistic and adapt to what I am capable of doing now.
I read on social media the other day that you can try to give it your 100% every day, but some days it will be more like 40%. And on those days, that 40% is your 100%. I’m concentrating on remembering that when I beat myself up about my productivity.
I’m still here, I’m still writing, and I am slowly getting better.
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